I wrote this 5 days ago and have been toying with the idea of posting... I figured, what do I have to lose?
Deep in the trenches of being fully owned by a furball that's only been in existence for 9 weeks. How is it possible, that this creature, not even human, could be so powerful? He alone, more times than I care to admit, makes or breaks me. (And, I read that confidence in dog training/owning is everything. If that's true, I'm screwed. Sometimes. Not always. Depends on when you ask.)
The biggest surprise? Not the accidents in the house. Not the amount of time and money involved. Not how attached I am so soon. Not even the amount of advice, solicited or not, that I've received...
Biggest surprise; My focus, goal, obsession for the past 2 years of my life that has completely consumed me much of the time is... ... ... missing. The weirdest thing is, I thought I would be relieved, and I am, to a point. Truth be told, I'm a little uneasy about it, mostly I think, because I don't completely understand it. Or, could it be because I've been so busy obsessing I don't know what to do with the free space in my brain? Part of me wonders if I broke my mommy gene because not only have I gone from no longer wanting so urgently, I've almost swung the opposite way. That's right my friends... I am no longer sure that I want children. Go figure.
The thing is, I can picture this life, our life, Michael and Brandi, our small menagerie along, and I'm okay with the way it is right now. Even more than okay, I'm quite content with it. That's never been the case before. It's funny, for years now, I've prayed desperately for peace and contentment with my situation, and here it is, I just didn't think it would come this way, I guess.
I hear your thoughts, my greatest of friends, "Oh, Brandi... you don't mean it, you're just too busy with the new puppy, you'll change your mind again..." But I don't know... I just feel so different this time. I'm really enjoying the fact that my body, my husband, my home and my life are my own. (With the exception of the animals.) Just not sure I'm willing to share any of that anymore.
